I remember clearly my therapy session with two partners who wanted to improve their sex life. Each week they would come to the session with their pens and paper ready to work and take notes. One day I said, “Are you having any fun with improving your sex life? It seems like you’re taking this very seriously and it's not very fun!”
They looked at me and each other and realized they had dropped the fun entirely and were all business when it came to sex. Bringing fun and playfulness back into their sex life became our first matter of business.
“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”-George Bernard Shaw
When we bring play back into our sex, we invite back in a part of ourselves we have often cut off. We invite the creative part, the relaxed part, the part that can laugh at silliness and awkwardness, the part that gets lost in a moment. If you’ve been taking sex seriously, I encourage you to make it fun again. I also want to note that a key part of sexual health is a balance between safety and pleasure. Many people have experienced sexual trauma and sexual abuse and in order to get to where sex can be playful and pleasurable, there has to be time and attention to healing and increasing the safety. You cannot have pleasure without safety.
Here are some ideas to bring play back into your sex life:
- Change up the location - If the bedroom is your go-to, where else could you try
- Bring out a game - Sometimes a good old fashioned dice game that’s ridiculous can bring out a playful side
- Make a cliche playlist of all the bad hits and keep that playlist growing (Now That We Found Love anyone? Maybe a little Boys to Men I’ll Make Love To You?) or get a jumpstart by checking out my new playlist on Spotify
- Dance for each other
- Fill out this flirty notepad and find secret places to stash the notes
- Spontaneously gift your partner playful vouchers like these, or offer them some vouchers you want them to give to you
- Get a set of body-friendly paints
- Eat chocolate dipped fruit in bed
- Find secret ways to sexy flirt at your next dinner
AND to give you another jump-start, I've created my own sex game inspired by sex therapy pioneer and my mentor, Dr. Gina Ogden. It's available here for purchase as an immediate download. Or as a thank you for your support, we'll email you the printable PDF free of charge following confirmation of any other purchase.
The game is simple and intriguing. You have two stacks of cards; one stack is different parts of the body and the other includes different action prompts. Draw one card from the body part deck and another from the action prompts and have fun! I've even included some blank cards so you can add your own personal touch.
The cards could be used in a bunch of other ways as well: pair the cards with a conversation prompt from Day 2; choose your favorite body part and action pairing and leave on your partners pillow; take a picture of some of the cards you want done to you and send it to your lover. The prompts are there to support you in learning to experience sensation and pleasure on all parts of the body, not just the genitals. However you use them, allow your curiosity to lead, invite your mind to be open, and remember the only rules of the game are the one you create. Whether you've hit a rut or aren't sure how to expand your sexual connection, this deck will support you in bringing the fun back in.
(SIDE NOTE: If you are establishing safety for yourself and/or in your relationship, only use the cards that work for you. There are no "shoulds" in this deck. Use the cards in a way that work for you, where you are, and where you'd like to grow.)