Begin at the Beginning

If there was a starting place to enhance your sexual experiences, this would be it! Learning about YOU is the foundation of good sexual experiences. If you’re trying to navigate sex without knowing how you or your partners’ body works,  it’s a bit like walking into a dark room, not knowing where and how all of the furniture is placed then wanting to have a dance party, or at a minimum, make your way from here to there without running into different obstacles. 

Take it at your own pace!

If you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed, unsure, or like, “This is just too hard. Vulvas are just so complicated.” Let me offer a bit of wisdom from Sarah Barkman:

“Women’s sexuality is not a mystery. It’s not complicated. Women’s bodies are not Rubik’s cubes any more than men’s bodies are; it’s just we haven’t taken the time to really listen to women and prioritize women’s pleasure.” 

If you’ve spent your life feeling like your body is just too complicated, cast that myth aside. Vulvas aren’t complicated, our relationships with them are. It’s time for a new narrative and experience with our bodies. And the best way to do this is? Education and knowledge! So let’s get started. 

My own well-worn copy. I love this book!

The Book I Recommend Most

The number one book I refer ALL people to is “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski. If I go back to the dark room analogy, the information in this book will turn on the lights so you can start seeing everything that’s in the room. Emily is one of the most approachable educators on sexuality I have ever met. With relatable analogies, a heaping scoop of humor, and sound scientific info, this is a fan favorite for good reason, AND she really knows her audience. She understands that she will have readers who want to devour every page and those that want the information without slogging through an entire book. She’s got both readers covered with her detailed chapters and her concise chapter summaries.

  • Your body is as unique as a fingerprint
  • The basics of anatomy 
  • How desire is both spontaneous and responsive 
  • Context matters
  • Stress can kill desire
  • Pleasure truly is the measure

Whether you pick this book up at the library or get your own copy, the great information you’ll find here covers:

(*side note, most of American culture sees desire as just something that happens to you! Spoiler alert...many people don’t experience sexual desire like that. Want some more info on that? CLICK HERE)

Taking the Second Step

Other great books I often recommend:

Becoming Cliterate” by Laurie Mintz This is going to do a bit of a zoom in on how the clitoris works. Did you know that 75% of vulva owners orgasm from clitoral stimulation? While many representations in the media would have us believe that just penetration leads to orgasm, the reality is the path the pleasure lays in, as one reader stated, “the notorious clitorious.” 

She Comes First” by Ian Kerner If you’ve already figured out how you work but want to understand more of the how-to or mechanics of oral sex with a vulva, check out Ian Kerners “She Comes First.” This short guide will provide a bit of a play by play, giving people the knowledge and skills to start learning the art of oral sex. 

Knowledge Is Power

I’ll say it again: knowledge is power. With most of us having spent more hours binge watching Netflix than we have studying our bodies and their sexual pleasure, it’s no wonder many of us are wandering around in the dark. Day 1 of the Twelve Days of Sexmas can change all that by showing you that the more you increase your knowledge the more you’ll increase your pleasure.

To see the full collection of 12 Days of Sexmas product recommendations to date, click here.